


an exercise in trust

by phenomenology



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bonding, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Minor Injuries, No Going Back, Team as Family, Trust Issues, found family trope strikes again, i have no clue where this idea came from but it's written now, the tiniest hint of widomauk ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23773372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phenomenology/pseuds/phenomenology
Summary: If there is one thing that Caleb is not, it is a trusting man.(or: 5 times Caleb asks for assistance and 1 time he doesn't ft. Frumpkin)
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Caleb Widogast & Everyone
Comments: 16
Kudos: 216





	an exercise in trust

**Author's Note:**

> as always a big thanks to my beautiful beta Liz for tolerating my screeching for the past four/five years <3
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr at lionett-beauregard.tumblr.com :D

I.

If there is one thing that Caleb is not, it is a trusting man.

He learned the hard way a long time ago that trust was not a simple thing. Placing trust in people he thought cared about him had burned Caleb and he was not eager to make the same mistakes again. Trust was a dangerous thing—earned, built, and accumulated through many trials. It was fickle and fragile and as complicated as trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle while intoxicated.

So, he did not trust easily.

Which is why he often found himself a little thrown with how readily he handed trust over to Nott.

She was not a charming individual, but she was a clever creature and honest with him—blunt in a way that Caleb had not experienced in far too many years. He supposed that was enough foundation to begin his trust in her, so he let it happen. But after everything, Caleb trusted with quiet effort nowadays. He showed it most often when they had a private moment, and even more often without words or grandiose gestures.

They were mere days into knowing these people from the circus fiasco when he exercised his trust in Nott more publicly.

Caleb knelt a little to get to Nott’s level and told her in a whisper, “I will need you to guide me while I use Frumpkin, _ja_?”

Nott, to her credit, seemed to understand his hesitation, his need for her to guide him while he was at his most vulnerable. She nodded her little goblin head firmly as he stood back to his full height. Caleb had already explained to the rest of the lunatics (as he called them) what was about to happen. So without preamble, he placed a tentative hand on Nott’s scrawny shoulder and let his vision blur and cloud over as he switched perspectives.

While he was blind and deaf in utilizing Frumpkin, Caleb could still register anything physical happening to his body. A warm curl of fondness sprung in his chest when he felt Nott’s sharp nails and knobby fingers clutch protectively at his pinkie. He had a strange, out-of-body notion they were walking forward, and he had to resist the urge to snap back to his own sight.

Caleb had, many times before, walked around without a guide while using his familiar’s eyes. But he had to admit, it was nice being able to focus all thought on what Frumpkin was seeing without the worry that he might slam into the side of a building or trip over errant cobblestones.

He was fairly sure he could feel someone fiddling with one of his coat pockets, but the sensation was barely there. He passed it off as perhaps some passing breeze, fluttering his clothing in a strange manner, and tried to focus.

Gathering the information the group needed from Frumpkin’s line of sight, Caleb came back to himself with a few rapid blinks. Glancing down at Nott, he was careful to dislodge her hold with a grateful pat to her shoulder and a tiny smile of thanks. She beamed up at him through the bandages around her face in return.

He only remembered the strange sensation against his coat about four hours later when he was doing inventory of his components. The pocket he had felt being fiddled with contained five gold pieces he had not previously possessed, along with a tiny clump of yellow flowers that looked like weeds.

Smiling fondly over at Nott’s curled up, slumbering form, Caleb tucked the flowers and the gold pieces away securely and returned to his components.

* * *

II.

They had spent near a week together on the road after the events in Trostenwald. Their time comprised of trekking between towns, gleaning information where they could, sleeping under the stars, and accumulating a desperate need for a warm bath and a cozy bed. The last time they had seen anyone pass them by on the road was about three days ago. Tensions were running high, as they were wont to do after wandering so long.

“How much farther?” Jester whined, her accent drawling over the last syllable. She trudged with dramatic fashion alongside the rest of them, hanging her head back for effect and to prove a point. Caleb knew it must be bad if even their resident optimist was showing signs of frustration.

“I can check with Frumpkin,” he offered quietly, suppressing an amused smile as the blue Tiefling’s head popped back up almost instantly.

“Really?” Jester’s tail flicked back and forth with energetic fervor behind her, indigo eyes wide and sparkling.

“ _Ja_ , just uh…” Caleb trailed off as he sent Frumpkin the sparrow fluttering up into the air and on ahead of them.

The road they were walking on was barely fit to call a road. The dirt path had deep, over used ruts from cartwheels engraved upon it, and their path was haphazard with errant rocks and roots and miscellaneous earthen things scattered about. Caleb had only avoided tripping thus far with careful consideration. Going blind to use Frumpkin would likely prove to be disastrous.

Glancing to his left at Fjord, Caleb reached out to place a tentative tap on the half-Orc’s forearm, earning the warlock’s attention.

“Would you mind if I ah…held onto your arm for a moment?”

Fjord raised his elbow Caleb’s way with an easy, “by all means.”

Fingers curling with timid weight around Fjord’s bicep, Caleb let the dizzying sensation of switching sight wash over him. Frumpkin had flown a couple miles ahead of them, to where Caleb had no control over the fey creature anymore. But through the sparrow’s eyes, Caleb could see that they were about five or six miles from a lively looking town. They could make it there by mid-afternoon, presuming they had no pit stops or distractions, and hopefully find beds for the night.

As his familiar coasted into a curve to start the flight back to their ragtag team, Caleb felt a slight jostling of movement against his free wrist. Blinking back to himself, the wizard looked down in time to see Jester tying off the ribbon that held their map into a bow around his forearm. A glance at Beau and Molly revealed that the pair had their heads bowed together over said map as they deliberated directions.

Deciding to ignore whatever Jester’s intentions were, knowing by now that she often did things just because, Caleb turned to Fjord as he removed his hold with a quiet, “much obliged.”

“There is a town up ahead, about five miles out,” Caleb raised his voice to the group, drawing the attention away from the map. “We can probably get there by this afternoon if we keep going.”

Jester and Nott cheered simultaneously, devolving into excited chatter about what they would do once they arrived in town. Caleb removed the ribbon from his wrist and handed it off to Beau as she rolled the map back up. Fjord left a quick pat on Caleb’s shoulder, an amicable smile on the warlock’s face, before striding ahead to monitor the excitable duo that was Jester and Nott.

* * *

III.

They were picking their careful way through the abandoned mine shaft; the darkness broken only by their handheld source of light. He was trying to save his spells, so the lack of dancing lights left Caleb—and his lack of ability to see in darkness—feeling rather disadvantaged. Over the passing days that their strange troupe remained together, he had begrudgingly started dolling out a few mites more of trust to them all. They hadn’t let him and Nott die yet, so he felt they earned it.

That didn’t mean it was any easier to offer information or pass out confidence, but Caleb supposed it was a step forward. Though he had to admit, it wasn’t a step forward he had ever planned to take. He still wanted to be able to cut and run, guilt free, should he and Nott need to, but this whole trusting thing would make that a lot more difficult.

Someone mentioned something about scouting ahead, and Caleb, eager to be useful, spoke up.

“I can send Frumpkin on ahead. He is still a bird, so I don’t know how well he will see in the dark, but we can at least figure out by sound if there is something up ahead to worry about.”

With easy acceptance from the rest of the group, Caleb telepathically instructed his familiar to go on ahead for a way before doubling back to them. Giving his bird a head start, Caleb reached out in front of him and tapped his fingers against Mollymauk’s shoulders.

“May I borrow your shoulders for a bit?” Caleb asked, voice low and unassuming. The group was becoming steadily accustomed to the wizard needing guidance when he scouted ahead, and if Caleb was honest, he didn’t think they would mind if he didn’t ask first. But there was a significant part of him that still didn’t know how to extend that level of trust without the fear of being shaken off.

“Be my guest,” Molly said over his shoulder with ease. Caleb’s hands slipped onto Molly’s shoulders, careful not to let them rest too heavy, and he slid from semi-darkness to absolute void with a quick, cloudy blink. Finding he was correct in his assumption that Frumpkin would not see much here, Caleb focused his hearing as his familiar flew carefully ahead of the group.

Caleb spent the next few minutes listening through Frumpkin’s ears, trying to pick up anything that might reveal their target up ahead. He was just beginning to pick up on a distant scuttling noise when Caleb felt his body jolt and jostle. The wizard, worried now and about to snap back to his own senses, heard the scuttling become more pronounced.

Hesitating, Caleb let Frumpkin’s hearing confirm for him that their suspicions were correct, that there was something to worry about up ahead. Unfortunately, it sounded much bigger than standard mine vermin. Waiting until he was certain his familiar was on the way back, Caleb fluttered his eyelids against the shift back to their section of semi-lit mine shaft. Looking around, tensed for a fight, it surprised him to find everything nearly as he left it.

“Sorry,” Molly’s voice reached him, the Tiefling noticing Caleb’s return. “That was my fault, didn’t realize there was a bit of a step down. Caught us in time to not take a tumble, though.”

“Ah,” Caleb said, relaxing a fraction. He removed his hands from Molly’s shoulders and twisted his fingers together in a nervous fashion. “ _Danke_.”

“Anytime,” Molly drawled with a grin, flicking his finger with a gentle brush to the underside of Caleb’s chin. “Find anything?”

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb answered, relaying the details and distance of the scuttling of large creatures ahead of them. “I think we are in for a fight.”

* * *

IV.

Caleb lurched upright with a gasp that almost immediately devolved into a groan of pain. He clutched at his side with trembling fingers and tried to tamp down on the whirling sensation in his head and overwhelming nausea.

“Easy there, Mr. Caleb,” a familiar timbre said to one side of the wizard. “You’re going to be just fine, we’ve got you.”

A careful pat to his shoulder and the warm sensation of healing magic weaving through damaged muscle and sinew accompanied the sentence. It rushed over Caleb with soothing quickness that let him catch his breath. Some tension he had been holding unwound with the gesture and Caleb sighed with relief as the nausea subsided. He was still in quite a bit of pain, but it was much more manageable now.

“I’m sorry, Cay-leb,” another distinct voice spoke from his other side, accompanied by yet another pat. This subsequent flow of magic felt a little weaker, but no less warm for it. “I don’t have many spells left in me.”

“That is quite all right,” Caleb grunted, mustering the energy to look up. Caduceus and Jester knelt either side of him, wearing matching looks of relief shadowed by concern. They had clearly pulled him back from the brink if the lingering exhaustion and pain were any cues to go by.

“You gave us quite the scare there,” Caduceus commented, the statement far less scary when said in his soothing cadence.

“Even after all this time, you’re still so squishy,” Jester sighed, her gloved fingers petting through Caleb’s mussed hair. She had a wistful and upset expression on her face, and Caleb hated to think he could cause her distress. Their group had unofficially decided that Jester’s face was not made to be sad. They made an effort to make sure she was smiling and jovial as often as possible.

“ _Ja_ , I must say,” Caleb grunted as he shifted around, testing his mobility. “I do not miss frequently going unconscious from when we first met.”

That, at least, pulled a watery chuckle from Jester.

She and Caduceus helped Caleb to his feet as they tried to figure out which direction to head to find everyone else. They sometimes ended up a little scattered in the aftermath of certain fights. Despite their attempts to stay within sightline of each other, the circumstances did not always lend to that notion.

With Caduceus on one side, his arm steady around Caleb’s shoulders, and Jester on the other with a firm arm around his waist, Caleb summoned Frumpkin.

“I can find the others with him, but I will need you two to guide me and keep me upright, if that is okay?”

Caleb, already propped up between the two of them, was extending enough trust to allow this after months of time getting to know them. But he still felt the need to let them know he was about to be entirely helpless, in case they did not want to assist.

“Of course it is!” Jester chirped immediately, a hint of indignation coloring her tone at the mere suggestion that she wouldn’t be.

“We’ll keep you safe,” Caduceus assured the wizard in a calmer tone, adjusting his grip on Caleb to prove the point.

With a nod, Caleb’s vision shuttered to his familiar’s as the creature wove through the carnage of their battle, searching. It didn’t take long for Frumpkin to locate Yasha hauling Beau to her feet, Fjord and Nott close to them. If Caleb had to guess, the rest of their party was just beyond their current line of sight—not far at all.

Tumbling with much less grace than usual back into his own vision, Caleb found himself still secure and upright between the two clerics. Part of him wanted to pull away, afraid of being a burden. But he knew that they would not easily let him go after a scare.

Besides, he wasn’t sure he could walk on his own just yet.

“They’re just up ahead,” Caleb relayed his findings, gesturing with a nod. “I don’t think anyone is too badly injured.”

“That’s a relief,” Caduceus hummed, a serene smile spreading across his features. “Let’s go round them up, then.”

Without option, Caleb let the clerics guide him toward their party. Jester’s arm around his waist squeezed him briefly, a quiet reassurance. Caleb supposed this was a level of trust he could manage.

* * *

V.

He was still trying to figure out why they had agreed to do this job even as he crouched beside Yasha. They were hidden from sight behind a hulking boulder, stalking a group of rather troublesome bandits that had been harassing a nearby town for weeks. This sort of thing was far outside the scope of their usual M.O., but they had done things like this before. It was how they got started—so Caleb supposed there was a factor of nostalgia that played into their presence here.

Still, he wasn’t entirely happy about it. Was it too much to ask for a night off?

That, and they had split up for some stupid reason. Something about flanking that Beau and Nott had agreed on with support from the others, but went a bit over Caleb’s head. Battle tactics had never been his forte if he was honest.

But he was here now.

 _Okay, Caleb!_ Jester’s voice in his head made the wizard start, Yasha’s curious gaze sliding his way. _We’re all in position. Send Frumpkin out to make sure the bandits are still there and then let Nott know._

There was a pause where Jester went silent, but Caleb could still feel the spell actively thrumming around him. Her voice picked up again, concluding with a rapid, _you’re super awesome,_ before the magic faded.

Lips quirking up at the corner with fond amusement, Caleb snapped his fingers, summoning Frumpkin to his side. For lack of supplies and ideas, his familiar was his preferred domestic cat visage. The fey curled around Caleb’s ankle with a curious purr as the wizard gave telepathic instructions to his familiar. It would be a quick, simple trip for the cat—scan from the edges of the bandits’ camp and get a head count, then return to Caleb.

Frumpkin’s tail flicked against Caleb’s leg before the cat wound himself around Yasha’s ankles and rubbed his head against her calf before darting off into the night. The Aasimar chuckled softly and watched Frumpkin leave, her fingers curled with anticipation around the hilt of her great sword. Caleb could not see far in the near darkness, so he counted methodically to himself until a minute had passed.

Reaching out, he tapped Yasha’s elbow, drawing her eyes his way.

“I’m going to use my cat’s eyes now. Would you mind giving me a shove if anything happens?” Caleb knew that she probably was well aware of how this played out. But out of everyone in the Nein, he had spent the least of his time with her, so he figured covering all the bases was smartest.

Yasha gave him a firm nod and turned her attention to their surroundings, keeping an eye out as Caleb zoned into his familiar’s senses. His cat was already creeping up to the fringes of the camp, staying out of the light and low to the ground. Frumpkin prowled with slow consideration around the perimeter, letting Caleb do a thorough head count of every bandit he could see. Some reports they had gotten in town said there could be anywhere between seven and thirteen bodies. As long as Caleb ended up with a number somewhere between there, he figured they would be as prepared as they could be.

A minute or two later saw Caleb with a count of ten bandits total, most of them gathered around a fire. They seemed to be in the middle of dinner, so Caleb felt secure in thinking that was most, if not all, of them. He was thinking about staying in Frumpkin’s vision as his cat did one last prowl when something shoved at Caleb’s physical body. He could feel his shoulder collide with the rock he and Yasha had been hiding behind, the pain jarring him back to his own sight and hearing abruptly.

Blinking through the daze of pain and trying to readjust his eyes to the lack of light, Caleb pressed back into the rock and tensed in preparation for…something.

As his vision cleared and adjusted to the dim lighting, he could just make out Yasha, less than five feet from him, standing over a body. She pulled her sword free of the body’s gut and turned immediately to Caleb.

“Sorry,” she whispered sheepishly, a spatter of blood streaked across her cheek. “I think this bandit was on patrol and I didn’t notice him until he was about to take a strike at you.”

Her eyes narrowed at Caleb’s stunned expression and she crouched beside him, hiding properly again.

“Are you all right? I gave you a pretty rough shove.”

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb managed, finding his voice and still a little stunned. “I am okay, just startled.”

He glanced over at the body again, then back to Yasha and her intense stare. She had pushed him out of the way and took a hit for him, if the new gash on her upper arm was anything to go by. It shouldn’t mean as much to Caleb as it did, because they had been travelling together for quite some time now. This kind of loyalty to each other was almost an expectation—born from a level of trusting each other to have one’s back.

“ _Danke_ ,” Caleb murmured, Yasha catching the quiet word and giving him that tiny, genuine smile of hers. He had seen it a handful of times in their early travels, back when Molly was still with them. It made fewer appearances now, for obvious reason, but once in a while they could draw it out of her. Beau was often the most successful, as was Jester, so Caleb knew not to take the trust Yasha was extending to Caleb for granted.

There was a simple understanding passed between them in that smile.

Pulling a little copper wire from his coat pocket, Caleb twisted it around his finger and turned in the direction he knew Nott to be hiding.

“I counted ten bandits. Yasha just killed one that snuck up on us, so be wary. You can reply to this message.”

* * *

\+ I.

He’s not sure when he stopped asking (which is a little disconcerting for someone with perfect recall), but he knows when he noticed. 

Trust, for Caleb, was complicated—had been for years. Based on first impressions with the Mighty Nein, Caleb had trusted Beau the least. She had been rude to the point of brutal honesty and was stupendously horrid at having a heart to heart conversation. Or conversation of any kind, until she showed her hand and proved just how intelligent she was.

Which, now that Caleb looked at it in hindsight, is why it made so much sense that he now trusted her the most.

When he had first met her, someone so volatile and prone to crass honesty terrified Caleb—because the only thing Beau lied about was herself. For the Caleb that had been hiding and running on a rinse and repeat cycle, meeting Beauregard was essentially his worst nightmare. But now she was his greatest ally and most trusted confidante. He could rely on her to be honest with him, could trust her to do what was needed, regardless of personal attachment.

So he noticed his lack of hesitancy around her almost immediately after they promised to be the other’s failsafe.

He hadn’t realized it at that moment, but he had extended a fair amount of trust to Beauregard with that conversation. She knew his darkest secrets from early on (for fairly stupid reasons, he might add) and had stuck around despite so. She had kept his secrets, had kept him safe, and understood him on a level he wasn’t sure he was ready to be known on. But if Caleb knew anything about Beauregard—and he knew quite a lot—it was that she was skilled in the art of getting what she wanted.

If she wanted to know Caleb, not even he could stop her.

It was not long after that he picked up on his habit of reaching for her shoulder. If he felt unsteady, Caleb could find her within reaching distance. Beau’s shoulders were young, but they were strong. Caleb would never dream of saddling her with his burdens, but Beau often offered to help him carry them, whether or not he asked. And it was that ease of support, that unconditional stability, that made it so easy to trust her at his most vulnerable.

Time and time again Caleb would shift over to Frumpkin and his hand would land on Beau’s shoulder, no questions asked. She had yet to shake him off, probably never would, and Beau never complained.

It was such a simple gesture to build a foundation of reliance and trust upon, yet here they were.

The Nein were clustered together, more conspicuous than they wanted to be, but too unfamiliar with the town to move apart. Caduceus had made a casual mention that he thought they were being followed, and they were trying to make a plan. Jester and Veth were acting as though they were window shopping, chattering excitedly between each other while the rest of them loitered and tried to glimpse their tail. They were near the outskirts of the market district, so foot traffic was a little less dense, but still they were having trouble getting a decent look.

Caleb snapped his fingers and Frumpkin slunk into surreptitious existence around Caleb’s ankles, pressing his little head against the wizard’s leg. Telepathically instructing his feline companion in the direction Caduceus had mentioned, Caleb automatically extended his hand to Beau’s shoulder. Curling his fingers firmly over her sturdy shoulder, the monk didn’t even look at him as her hand reached up on instinct to grab onto Caleb.

Lips quirking up at the familiar gesture, Caleb shuttered into Frumpkin’s eyes as the cat trotted in the pursuer’s direction.

A quick glance offered Caleb the information he needed and Frumpkin was close enough for Caleb to call him back before getting too involved. Sliding back into his own senses, the wizard looked around their group as he spoke, hand still planted with firm reliance on Beau’s shoulder.

“I believe we merely have a beggar on our heels.”

“I’ve got it then,” Caduceus grinned, heading back the way they came. Fjord gave Beau and Caleb a concerned look and immediately followed the cleric, just to be safe. The rest of them stayed behind in front of the shop, not wanting to overwhelm the situation.

Nott and Jester seemed to have found something of genuine interest in the store window, still chattering away. They had somehow roped Yasha into looking with them as the Aasimar bent over to peer in the store window at whatever they found. Caleb watched on with fondness, taking a solid minute to realize that he still had his hand on Beau’s shoulder.

Beau, to her credit, was still holding onto Caleb’s hand. Her intense blue eyes tracked Caduceus and Fjord just down the street from them, even as she offered Caleb her stability. He admired her vigilance, giving her shoulder a squeeze to catch her attention.

“You okay, man?” Beau asked, giving him a quick scan.

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb reassured easily. “ _Danke_ , Beauregard.”

“For what?”

Caleb just smiled at her, giving her shoulder another squeeze before releasing it. Her hand slipped from his as she gave him a funny look, but he knew her well enough. Caleb could see the affection underneath all her posturing. Their simple promise to keep each other on the right path had yielded a bond they both never knew they needed. It had taken them a while to embrace it, but constant exposure often sped these types of things along - and Caleb wouldn't trade what they had for the world.

He watched her walk off a moment later, heading to stand with Caduceus and Fjord, and trusted her to come back.


End file.
